Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything more to what I’m doing with my life[.][DEL,] if I should just give in and go into business like my dad or if I should stay the way I am, ‘a complete mess who doesn’t care about anything but playing loud music and spending time with friends,’ as my mom would put it.
I’d put it as more of ‘a complete mess who enjoys playing loud music and hanging out with friends and having a good time.’ My mom and I have always had varying opinions of what I should do with my life.
I wonder if I’m adopted. [DELI think I am.] I wouldn’t be surprised.
Maybe it’s because I’m the more grounded one in my family. I try hard not to let all of the luxury we have go to my head, because there are so many people in the world that have close to nothing. We should be helping these people, not riding in the back of a limo to a brunch at a country club where all that’s there to eat is caviar, quails’ eggs, and lobster tails. I would’ve been much more at home just sitting around with my friends and playing with my guitar.
After that breakfast, I got in my car and drove to the closest hamburger I could find.
[AWESOME INTRO TO SIMON. RE-READING THIS MAKES ME REALIZE WHY I LIKE HIM SO MUCH]
~*~*~*~
I rolled my eyes at my mother when she started in on the girl who did all of these odd jobs around the house. Mom had a thing about being in charge. She needed to have a handle on anything and everything, which could explain why she’s a part of so many charities and stuff[.][DEL,] but she hated getting her hands dirty.
And of course, just like every morning, Mom had to pick at every single thing. “You know you have to be here when I start eating in case something’s wrong[.][DEL, and] I don’t think my breakfast has been fully cooked. There’s some liquid oozing out of my omelette.”
“Ms. Eleanor, that’s the cheese. You wanted a ham and cheese omelette.”
Mom sniffed, trying to look proper, and [THEN] started gesturing towards her plate. “Well, next time I don’t want it leaking out all over the place.” She kept talking about what was wrong with breakfast, with the dining room, with the girl’s actions in general[.][DEL, and I slowly tuned her out.]
[AND, JUST LIKE EVERY MORNING, I SLOWLY TUNED HER OUT.]
[Sometimes Mom turned into a nagging machine, and [DELshe] got too annoying [DELfor me] to listen to. I only paid attention to her when she was staring straight at me, and right [NOW][DELthen] she was staring at the maid, abusing her verbally...THIS IS A PARA THAT COULD BE CUT IF YOU'RE TRYING TO REDUCE WORD COUNT. IT'S BASICALLY REITERATING WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW--THAT HIS MOM'S A NAG.]
Michaela was sitting across from me at the table[,] laughing at the maid[DEL, eating] [WHILE SHE NIBBLED ON] the [UNBUTTERED] piece of toast and [THE] few orange slices that decorated her plate. What was up with her not eating? She was already as thin as a stick. She looked like she needed to spend time in a hospital with an IV in her arm.
And she wondered why she used to cry about not getting a date. Guys liked [GIRLS WITH] some meat on [THEIR] [DELgirls’] bones, maybe not Mick’s current arm ornament. Some of the guys I knew enjoyed steak a hell of a lot more than spareribs. Ribs had no substance, and sometimes I wondered if my sister even had a brain. [LOL!]
After a few minutes[,] she noticed me staring [DELat her,] and [DELshe] gave me her ‘stuck-up pissed off’ look while throwing her napkin at me. “Quit staring at me, you jerk.” Michaela pushed back from the table and stormed out of the dining room, almost running down the girl all dressed in black, pushing her back against the doorway hard enough that the wood made a cracking noise when she hit it.
Mom rushed to her feet as the maid [DELreached back to] rub[BED] her sore shoulder, but Mom [IGNORED HER]. [INSTEAD, SHE] ran [DELstraight] past her and after Michaela, asking [DELher] if she’d hurt herself or if she wanted a ride to school.
Sometimes I wondered why the house staff didn’t rebel against my mother and [QUIT][DELleave]. [DELI thought] it would be funny to watch her try [TO][DELand] survive on her own. She needed a good kick in the butt when it came to respecting the people around her.
One of the kitchen maids came out and took the girl to the kitchen, softly murmuring to her. “We’ll put some ice on that for you, honey, and see how much you’re going to bruise. That girl needs to watch where she’s going.”
“I’ll be alright, Mona.”
They headed off into the kitchen, the older woman gently prodding the younger girl’s shoulder[.]]DEL, and] the door [HAD JUST] closed behind them [WHEN][DELas] Mom rushed back into the dining room, looking around frantically. “Where did she go?”
“She’s back in the kitchen, Eleanor.” My dad finally said something from the end of the table opposite to Mom, [DELand] barely lower[ING][DELed] the paper to speak. “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be back soon so you can pick at every single [THING][DELthink] you think is wrong with how she prepared breakfast.”
She gasped as she sat back [IN HER CHAIR][DELdown], her hand coming up dramatically to her throat. “I wasn’t picking at everything. I was just pointing out what she could do differently for tomorrow’s breakfast. There’s always room for improvement, William.”
[WHEN] Dad started arguing with her, saying something about constant criticisms and a lack of respect, [DELand] I got up to take my empty plate into the kitchen, saving the maids some work.
I didn’t really understand why Mom insisted on having so many servants in the house. It was like she couldn’t survive on her own, that she needed help with almost every aspect of her life except for her social life.
No one was in the kitchen except for a middle-aged woman loading the large dishwasher[.][DEL, and] she gave me a small smile when I handed her my plate. “Thank you, young sir. At least you have some respect for us working in here.”
Nodding, I leaned back against the counter. “How’s that girl? The one Mick ran into.”
“She’ll be fine, young sir. She’s just got a bit of a bruise, but she’ll be good as new in no time.” The woman patted my hand, smiling at me. “You’re sweet to ask.”
“I don’t understand why they don’t act better. Maybe they’re all aliens, like the pod people from that old movie.” [I HEARD HER LAUGHTER][DELShe laughed] as I headed out of the kitchen and straight for the door to the garage, grabbing my backpack and my car keys as I went[.][DEL, and] I walked out into the garage towards my car.
Well, it wasn’t a car, it was a jeep, but I thought of it as a car.
Opening the garage door, I started up the car and headed out to my morning classes. All my classes were either music history or appreciation, or some kind of film class.
Dad complained [DELthat] I wasn’t going to end up doing anything productive with my life if I learned about music and film[.][DEL, and] Mom said I’d have a better career if I went into business or law. But I was tired of doing what they wanted me to do, so I was going to study what I was interested in and one day find work as a musician or a filmmaker.
After class I stayed away from the house, not wanting to have to deal with my mom, or my dad, or my sister, and stayed at a café near campus with some friends. We talked about what we usually do: music, movies, cars, and girls. All [MY FRIENDS][DELthe others] were either dating or were in serious relationships, and I was getting ready to beat the crap out of them since their girlfriends kept trying to set me up with their friends.
Was it too much to ask that I be allowed to find a date on my own? Apparently, it was.
[JUST A NOTE HERE...NOTHING SHOWS ME HE'S A WERE.]
We all headed to some fast food place to grab dinner, then to a club we liked where a lot of the patrons enjoyed loud music and not doing what other people wanted them to do.
It was almost like a home away from home, with brighter lights and a lot more alcohol. It wasn’t like the bartenders would give me any, they knew I was underage, but every so often a friend of mine would buy a drink that wasn’t really for him.
I [SAT] [DELstayed sitting] in a booth near the back, since all [MY FRIENDS] [DELthe] girlfriends had shown up, and since I was alone it was my job to keep their seats as they danced. I could hear the music in my ears and feel the vibrations of it through the floor and into my bones. I [DELwent to get] [GOT] up to order another rum and coke without the rum, and ended up right back [DELdown] in my seat.
[BUT] This time, I had a female body in my lap. An unfamiliar female body, but a surprisingly welcome one. It wasn’t every day I had an attractive girl fall into my arms.
Her hair was a mass of chocolate brown waves, soft and silky against my hands as I held onto her shoulders. She was fairly slim, but not as thin as my sister. The blouse she wore hugged her body, and she smelled like springtime at night, when the air was full of night-blooming flowers.
[NICE DESRIPTION!]
I moved my hands to her upper arms and helped her back to her feet, standing up as I turned her around to see how she was. “Are you okay? Did someone push you?”
She looked up at me, her brown eyes as wide as a doe’s, like she couldn’t quite believe what was going on. She slowly nodded, her hands fluttering as she smoothed out her skirt. “I was walking by and someone bumped into me, and then I crashed into you. I’m so sorry about that.”
“It’s okay, no harm done.” Her hair fell into her face, hiding her eyes, so I reached up to brush it back over her shoulder. It was almost refreshing to see a female face not covered in thick make-up; her skin looked flawless and petal-soft. I didn’t know why I kept talking to her, but I couldn’t get my mouth to shut up and leave her alone. “What’s your name?”
“My name?” Her eyes darted around like she was nervous, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. “Eden. My name’s Eden.”
A smile curved my lips. [EDEN.] I wasn’t surprised. She looked perfect, like a refreshing rest stop in a world full of trouble and lies and hard work.
[NEW PARA] “I think that’s a very fitting name, Eden. I’m Simon.”
~~~
Simon's such a babe. I forgot how much I loved thier beginnings.
Just did a bit of tightening up and gave some suggestions. My only real complaint is I have no idea that he's a were in this chap. Of course I am biased there, but you have a few places where you can play up his senses. The club. The kitchen...
Sometimes I wonder if there’s anything more to what I’m doing with my life[.][DEL,] if I should just give in and go into business like my dad or if I should stay the way I am, ‘a complete mess who doesn’t care about anything but playing loud music and spending time with friends,’ as my mom would put it.
I’d put it as more of ‘a complete mess who enjoys playing loud music and hanging out with friends and having a good time.’ My mom and I have always had varying opinions of what I should do with my life.
I wonder if I’m adopted.
Maybe it’s because I’m the more grounded one in my family. I try hard not to let all of the luxury we have go to my head, because there are so many people in the world that have close to nothing. We should be helping these people, not riding in the back of a limo to a brunch at a country club where all that’s there to eat is caviar, quails’ eggs, and lobster tails. I would’ve been much more at home just sitting around with my friends and playing with my guitar.
After that breakfast, I got in my car and drove to the closest hamburger I could find.
[AWESOME INTRO TO SIMON. RE-READING THIS MAKES ME REALIZE WHY I LIKE HIM SO MUCH]
~*~*~*~
I rolled my eyes at my mother when she started in on the girl who did all of these odd jobs around the house. Mom had a thing about being in charge. She needed to have a handle on anything and everything, which could explain why she’s a part of so many charities and stuff[.][DEL,] but she hated getting her hands dirty.
And of course, just like every morning, Mom had to pick at every single thing. “You know you have to be here when I start eating in case something’s wrong[.][DEL, and] I don’t think my breakfast has been fully cooked. There’s some liquid oozing out of my omelette.”
“Ms. Eleanor, that’s the cheese. You wanted a ham and cheese omelette.”
Mom sniffed, trying to look proper, and [THEN] started gesturing towards her plate. “Well, next time I don’t want it leaking out all over the place.” She kept talking about what was wrong with breakfast, with the dining room, with the girl’s actions in general[.][DEL, and I slowly tuned her out.]
[AND, JUST LIKE EVERY MORNING, I SLOWLY TUNED HER OUT.]
[Sometimes Mom turned into a nagging machine, and [DELshe] got too annoying [DELfor me] to listen to. I only paid attention to her when she was staring straight at me, and right [NOW][DELthen] she was staring at the maid, abusing her verbally...THIS IS A PARA THAT COULD BE CUT IF YOU'RE TRYING TO REDUCE WORD COUNT. IT'S BASICALLY REITERATING WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW--THAT HIS MOM'S A NAG.]
Michaela was sitting across from me at the table[,] laughing at the maid[DEL, eating] [WHILE SHE NIBBLED ON] the [UNBUTTERED] piece of toast and [THE] few orange slices that decorated her plate. What was up with her not eating? She was already as thin as a stick. She looked like she needed to spend time in a hospital with an IV in her arm.
And she wondered why she used to cry about not getting a date. Guys liked [GIRLS WITH] some meat on [THEIR] [DELgirls’] bones, maybe not Mick’s current arm ornament. Some of the guys I knew enjoyed steak a hell of a lot more than spareribs. Ribs had no substance, and sometimes I wondered if my sister even had a brain. [LOL!]
After a few minutes[,] she noticed me staring [DELat her,] and [DELshe] gave me her ‘stuck-up pissed off’ look while throwing her napkin at me. “Quit staring at me, you jerk.” Michaela pushed back from the table and stormed out of the dining room, almost running down the girl all dressed in black, pushing her back against the doorway hard enough that the wood made a cracking noise when she hit it.
Mom rushed to her feet as the maid [DELreached back to] rub[BED] her sore shoulder, but Mom [IGNORED HER]. [INSTEAD, SHE] ran [DELstraight] past her and after Michaela, asking [DELher] if she’d hurt herself or if she wanted a ride to school.
Sometimes I wondered why the house staff didn’t rebel against my mother and [QUIT][DELleave]. [DELI thought] it would be funny to watch her try [TO][DELand] survive on her own. She needed a good kick in the butt when it came to respecting the people around her.
One of the kitchen maids came out and took the girl to the kitchen, softly murmuring to her. “We’ll put some ice on that for you, honey, and see how much you’re going to bruise. That girl needs to watch where she’s going.”
“I’ll be alright, Mona.”
They headed off into the kitchen, the older woman gently prodding the younger girl’s shoulder[.]]DEL, and] the door [HAD JUST] closed behind them [WHEN][DELas] Mom rushed back into the dining room, looking around frantically. “Where did she go?”
“She’s back in the kitchen, Eleanor.” My dad finally said something from the end of the table opposite to Mom, [DELand] barely lower[ING][DELed] the paper to speak. “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be back soon so you can pick at every single [THING][DELthink] you think is wrong with how she prepared breakfast.”
She gasped as she sat back [IN HER CHAIR][DELdown], her hand coming up dramatically to her throat. “I wasn’t picking at everything. I was just pointing out what she could do differently for tomorrow’s breakfast. There’s always room for improvement, William.”
[WHEN] Dad started arguing with her, saying something about constant criticisms and a lack of respect, [DELand] I got up to take my empty plate into the kitchen, saving the maids some work.
I didn’t really understand why Mom insisted on having so many servants in the house. It was like she couldn’t survive on her own, that she needed help with almost every aspect of her life except for her social life.
No one was in the kitchen except for a middle-aged woman loading the large dishwasher[.][DEL, and] she gave me a small smile when I handed her my plate. “Thank you, young sir. At least you have some respect for us working in here.”
Nodding, I leaned back against the counter. “How’s that girl? The one Mick ran into.”
“She’ll be fine, young sir. She’s just got a bit of a bruise, but she’ll be good as new in no time.” The woman patted my hand, smiling at me. “You’re sweet to ask.”
“I don’t understand why they don’t act better. Maybe they’re all aliens, like the pod people from that old movie.” [I HEARD HER LAUGHTER][DELShe laughed] as I headed out of the kitchen and straight for the door to the garage, grabbing my backpack and my car keys as I went[.][DEL, and] I walked out into the garage towards my car.
Well, it wasn’t a car, it was a jeep, but I thought of it as a car.
Opening the garage door, I started up the car and headed out to my morning classes. All my classes were either music history or appreciation, or some kind of film class.
Dad complained [DELthat] I wasn’t going to end up doing anything productive with my life if I learned about music and film[.][DEL, and] Mom said I’d have a better career if I went into business or law. But I was tired of doing what they wanted me to do, so I was going to study what I was interested in and one day find work as a musician or a filmmaker.
After class I stayed away from the house, not wanting to have to deal with my mom, or my dad, or my sister, and stayed at a café near campus with some friends. We talked about what we usually do: music, movies, cars, and girls. All [MY FRIENDS][DELthe others] were either dating or were in serious relationships, and I was getting ready to beat the crap out of them since their girlfriends kept trying to set me up with their friends.
Was it too much to ask that I be allowed to find a date on my own? Apparently, it was.
[JUST A NOTE HERE...NOTHING SHOWS ME HE'S A WERE.]
We all headed to some fast food place to grab dinner, then to a club we liked where a lot of the patrons enjoyed loud music and not doing what other people wanted them to do.
It was almost like a home away from home, with brighter lights and a lot more alcohol. It wasn’t like the bartenders would give me any, they knew I was underage, but every so often a friend of mine would buy a drink that wasn’t really for him.
I [SAT] [DELstayed sitting] in a booth near the back, since all [MY FRIENDS] [DELthe] girlfriends had shown up, and since I was alone it was my job to keep their seats as they danced. I could hear the music in my ears and feel the vibrations of it through the floor and into my bones. I [DELwent to get] [GOT] up to order another rum and coke without the rum, and ended up right back [DELdown] in my seat.
[BUT] This time, I had a female body in my lap. An unfamiliar female body, but a surprisingly welcome one. It wasn’t every day I had an attractive girl fall into my arms.
Her hair was a mass of chocolate brown waves, soft and silky against my hands as I held onto her shoulders. She was fairly slim, but not as thin as my sister. The blouse she wore hugged her body, and she smelled like springtime at night, when the air was full of night-blooming flowers.
[NICE DESRIPTION!]
I moved my hands to her upper arms and helped her back to her feet, standing up as I turned her around to see how she was. “Are you okay? Did someone push you?”
She looked up at me, her brown eyes as wide as a doe’s, like she couldn’t quite believe what was going on. She slowly nodded, her hands fluttering as she smoothed out her skirt. “I was walking by and someone bumped into me, and then I crashed into you. I’m so sorry about that.”
“It’s okay, no harm done.” Her hair fell into her face, hiding her eyes, so I reached up to brush it back over her shoulder. It was almost refreshing to see a female face not covered in thick make-up; her skin looked flawless and petal-soft. I didn’t know why I kept talking to her, but I couldn’t get my mouth to shut up and leave her alone. “What’s your name?”
“My name?” Her eyes darted around like she was nervous, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. “Eden. My name’s Eden.”
A smile curved my lips. [EDEN.] I wasn’t surprised. She looked perfect, like a refreshing rest stop in a world full of trouble and lies and hard work.
[NEW PARA] “I think that’s a very fitting name, Eden. I’m Simon.”
~~~
Simon's such a babe. I forgot how much I loved thier beginnings.
Just did a bit of tightening up and gave some suggestions. My only real complaint is I have no idea that he's a were in this chap. Of course I am biased there, but you have a few places where you can play up his senses. The club. The kitchen...
Take what you need.
KM